KJ的音樂人生

因為一套電影，我跟L又再談起來。

有趣的是，我們兩人都未有看過那套電影。只是有個朋友看完覺得很感動，把主角對音樂和人生的看法節錄下來，透過電郵發給我。我看的時候，第一時間想起了在法國讀音樂的L，遂把電郵轉發給他，誰知他看後較我的觸動更大，我們的對話是這樣開始的。

說的是電影「音樂人生」。那個對音樂、藝術，甚至人生執著的KJ才17歲，已經解讀了藝術對自己一生的意義。我只看過預告片，心情已很激動，既因為想起中學校際音樂節的情景，也是因為見到KJ，一個我非常陌生，卻又感覺熟識的人對音樂那分天賦的感悟，和無窮的熱誠。

在預告片中，KJ有兩句話令我最感慨。第一句是：「我曾經太注重比賽。」我們有哪一個不是？中學七年，每年都要參加不同的校際比賽，由九月練歌到三月比賽，賽前更要每天八個小時的苦練，把歌裡的每一句每個音練好。一個合唱團六十人，每人花的心力時間不計其數。中六時我管三個合唱團，每天在學校團團轉，日思夜想怎樣替學校拿面錦旗。到頭來，我問自己到底是因為愛唱歌，還是愛錦旗賦予的虛榮？是一個尋求音樂的過程，還是靠音樂來證明自己？

第二句是：「我只想做一個human being。」我自問不是天才，只有庸才，才每天想著如何去優勝別人，做人上人，給別人留下印象的人。天才想的跟我們相反，他只想做一個human being，因為他知道自己所想所做的跟一般人不同，那種孤高和壓力，是一般human being不會感受到的。

鏡頭一轉，當一眾拔萃男女生在慶祝拿到校際音樂節的獎項時，KJ只在一旁倚著欄河托著頭，手指不由自主的在欄杆上動，一點不受周圍的興奮氣氛所感染，究竟藝術上有勝利嗎？如果有又是什麼？是因KJ之名，還是拔萃之名？我們應該都只是......human beings。

香港人看名校，是看它每年出多少個狀元？罕有看學校給予學生學業以外的培養。很多人說，男拔沒落了，愈來愈少10優9優狀元，但他們沒看到它在這十幾年間的音樂成就。在我印象中，玩音樂的男拔生都很有型，幾乎每個坐在樂團的學生，都是獨當一面的樂手，有的更是世界級水準。當然，家庭培育是一個必要的元素，但學校提供的環境極具決定性。一個樂團，個人技術還是其次，重要的是大家放下自己心中的虛榮，一起跟著指揮的手幻想樂章背後的圖畫。我覺得DBS的Orchestra從不令人失望，有興趣的，可以去看看他們在校際音樂節的表演，又或是學期尾的annual concert。

關於音樂和人生，KJ這樣說：

"I love my family. I love both of my parents.

For me, it's just as simple as that nobody can match my father's personality to be his spouse. Misunderstanding between my parents is huge that it's nobody's fault.

I believe in my mother as much as my father. I am very glad that my father might have found somebody who has the same interests as he does. I don't believe in many of the ways he treats his children, but he is still my father, and I utmost respect him.

I hope the people who knew me before would understand me a little bit more after watching the film.

I do not want to be portrayed as a music genius. I am not born with these qualities or talent.

I am grateful and fortunate to be inspired at the young age, having sacrificed a lot of my childhood and normal activities.

I want to be understood as a young human being with thoughts and ethical principles, and I think it is the most important quality of anyone to be truly sincere.

Also, I hope the film can inspire people to understand the ethics and purpose behind their choices of anything.

Choosing music is a big question to me, and the film is addressing this particular issue.

I hope it further stir up people's interest in the meaning of their life beyond the obvious materialistic decision for living.

Only if people question what they have earned in their life at the end of day, people would stop doing bad things to the world and be sincere to themselves.I believe everyone has a good soul.

For those who are studying, pursuing or going to study music, I hope your pure reason is not just "I love music," or it is just because I couldn't do well in other things.

Actually, even because of having musical talent and choosing music is not a correct reason either.

The most importantly, We should first understand what studying music takes -a lifetime dedication, modesty, open-mindedness, and persistence."

L在電郵上說感激我讓他知道這套電影，也說到他在音樂路上孤獨中掙扎。在這個令人窒息的城市中，很多人都把藝術視為賺錢工具。對此，L說：「Life is about enrichment but not richness。」也許我沒有像別人一樣為藝術而犧牲，選擇走一條別人叫我不要走的路，但在我心目中，寫作生活也是living art的一種，我沒想過做一個很賣紙或廣為人識的作家的野心，從來，藝術成就跟金錢和名氣不會掛鈎。

在trailer裡有一個男拔生對KJ的評價，他說KJ「好難頂！」對普通人來說，一個天才的輕狂肯定是難頂的。這時‧我也想起另一個朋友A，我著實很喜歡這個人，同時也覺得這個人有時「好難頂」。天上的月亮，只有遠觀時才覺得美麗，也許就是同一道理。

或許我應該跟朋友A，又或是其他對藝術執著的朋友去看這套電影。